DukeMed Alumni News
Fall 2007

Christakos Chronicles Highs, Lows
of Being a Family Caregiver

By Bernadette Gillis

One afternoon about six years ago Arthur C. Christakos, T’51, MD, says he became worried when his wife, Kally, WC’51, didn’t show up for her job as a volunteer cashier at the Nearly New Shoppe, a thrift store operated by the Medical Faculty Wives.

Kally had been diagnosed with vascular dementia several years before, and Christakos feared the worst. He soon received a call from Kally—she was fine but had been in an accident and her car was totaled.

“We never renewed her license after that,” says Christakos.

This is just one of many harsh realities Christakos has had to face while caring for his wife over the years. He chronicled his experiences in a personal journal, part of which is included in his new book, The Longest Adolescence.

While writing the book—a process that took nearly 14 years—Christakos says he realized that some of his wife’s behaviors were similar to those of an adolescent and thought his journal writings would be a good fit for the book.

Published last year by PublishAmerica, The Longest Adolescence focuses mostly on Christakos’ general observations about emotional maturity, but it’s the chapter on his wife’s gradual descent into vascular dementia that he hopes will register most with readers.

“When I decided to put my journal in there, I hoped it would show others who are also caring for a loved one (with dementia) that it’s not impossible to cope.”

In July Christakos discussed his book and his role as a caregiver before a crowd of about 50 people at a book signing at the Woodland Terrace Senior Living Community in Cary, N.C. He and Kally have lived at the retirement community for the past two years. He says he chose Woodland Terrace because of its Alzheimer’s unit.

“We’re getting closer to moving in,” he says, “but I can’t quite bring myself to make that decision.”

Aside from the journal entries, Christakos’ book also includes vignettes describing immature behavior he has observed in some adults, both in his personal and professional life.

Retired since 1992, he says he discovered during his years as an OB-GYN and dean of undergraduate medical education at Duke that even doctors sometimes score low on what he describes as a “maturity scale.”

He recalls working with a student who later entered a residency program that seemed to take pride in the high divorce rate of its residents. He says by the time this particular student finished the program, he, along with many of his fellow residents, had gotten a divorce.

He says it is unfortunate that many doctors aren’t as devoted to their personal lives as they are to their professional lives. “These are dedicated professional people, but sometimes once they start having problems (in their marriages), they don’t want to admit it,” he says.

Besides writing Christakos spends much of his time caring for Kally. She doesn’t recognize him on most days but he still cherishes their time together.

He says he often jokes with her about how he proposed once a year for eight years before she finally agreed to marry him. They celebrated their 51st wedding anniversary in August and have four children and four grandchildren.